This news got me thinking about baseball nicknames. There have been some historically great ones, from Yogi, to Babe, to Mr. October, to Say Hey Kid, to Panda, to Joey Bats, to Big Papi, to A-Rod.
But I think we need more. And I think we should streamline the process: What if every players’ nickname was just his name, but with the first letters of his first and last name switched around?
Here’s what the backs of jerseys would look like, because this is an exercise that is clearly too complicated for someone who isn’t a sportswriter to do for themselves. I have included parentheses after each nickname to tell you how funny it is or isn’t, because that is also something you definitely can’t figure out for yourself.
Texas went up on the Indians, 7-1, after their first two innings at bat, and led by seven runs, 9-2, after their fourth time up. That would be all the Rangers would score in the game, though, as all they could do was sit and watch Cleveland catch up and then overtake them to win the game, 15-9, courtesy of 13 unanswered runs.
If you’re unfamiliar with how all of this works, don’t worry. We got you covered. Just like the more famous NCAA basketball tournament, the top 64 teams in the nation make this competition.
For one, there are no longer four-minute breaks in between picks, a process that causes it to take forever for you to find out who your team is selecting whether you’re going third or 30th.
Yeah, he says. I was not expecting that question, though. A hot dog is its own category. It’s like a gyro.
Yes! I say, too loudly, and the PR guy looks up from his phone. I’m excited, thrilled to discover that Syndergaard is on the right side of history. You wouldn’t go to a barbecue and be like, ‘Hey can I have that sandwich?’ as you pointed at a hot dog.